What makes us who we are? What makes others who they are? These questions are obvious mysteries. I still investigate everyday what makes me who I am and what are the origins that will change what I become later in life. As a comedian I am exposed and the more a comedian grows the more exposed they become. Wearing us on our sleeve, comedians offer more and more clues about themselves to strangers with each new bit, show, performance and idea of what they think is funny.

Being a comedian, I have been able to meet, know and become friends with many others just like me. Some funnier, some less funny, some interesting, some boring, some unique, some bland; but all people. People that live and eventually die. Comedians all have another comedian in their life they “started” with. Weather you come from Cleveland, Chicago, Boston, Detroit, San Francisco or wherever, you didn’t just start doing comedy by yourself you started with someone that felt just like you. Scared, excited, eager, nervous, anxious, full of doubt and fearlessly confident. You’re your own worse critic and best supporter. As in life, we live and die on stage while going from here to there.

This past weekend I was able to work with one of the comedians who I not only met, but got to know and then became friends with. While driving out to the Improv in Brea, CA from LA all weekend with Bill Burr we talked in the car like we always do when we happen to drive anywhere together. Usually it’s about sports, conspiracy theories, our families, or women & mostly how great his is and how interchangeable mine are. But this last voyage was different. I saw the sadness of death from a man brought out by the joy of life. The comedian Bill “started” with had just passed away. He was still healing from the death of Patrice O’Neal, who Bill described as the funniest guy he’s ever known. As distraught as Bill was, his voice was full of joy telling me things about Patrice’s life. He laughed his way through stories of them starting in Boston, festivals they had done overseas and the days and nights they spent in NYC. A story of Patrice calling a british comedian who did his act with a “dummy” may have been the best Bill shared of the many that made me laugh uncontrollably. Bill had just returned days before from New York, attending Patrice’s memorial and was visibly changed by the experience. Telling me things about a time that they “started” together only 20 years before, then days before he was to be 42 years old, Patrice was gone. In a year where Patrice was just really being “appreciated” for his immense talent, his 1 hour special “Elephant in The Room” was introduced to the masses and is and will always be a true comedy piece that is undeniable in talent and creativity.

I met Patrice 7 years ago in NYC through the friendship of Bill. To say I knew Patrice would be exaggerating our acquaintance. We never became friends but we did share an interesting encounter. Ironically I first met Patrice, while I was with the comedian and comedians I “started” with. In NYC as just starting out, wide-eyed comedians, myself, Michael Farrell, Ryan Dalton and Joe Howard went to the Big Apple to see the future of what we’ve chosen so to speak. Bill was able to get us backstage & on the set of the taping of “Tough Crowd” with Colin Quinn. The guests that day were Patrice, Marc Maron, Jim Norton and some guy named Jackie Mason. I was working as a manager at Hilarities Comedy Club in Cleveland at the time trying to make a start in stand-up, absorbing everything I could about the craft and the business. The whole experience of the show was surreal, talking to Colin Quinn and Jackie Mason before the taping will be memories I’ll never forget. Later that night the 4 of us from Cleveland went to watch Bill perform at Caroline’s in Times Square. Patrice was also on the show. I had never seen him before. As I watched, I knew I was witnessing someone and something that had an originality and mind that delivered more than comedy. He was a voice louder than words and bigger than him. He offended, questioned and had answers for both. I instantly went back to Cleveland and said to the booker of the club we need to get this guy. Nobody had really heard of him outside of NYC at the time. I was questioned on his content, style etc.; Hilarities was, an is known to be a more mainstream room with a dinner cliental that loves comedy but is somewhat conservative. So after some skepticism, the club brought him in per my recommendation. Figuring out how to promote him to a Cleveland audience which had not heard of him was a challenge. Hilarities was ok with bringing in offending or dirty comedians so to speak that had built a name or following. Promoting that could be engineered, but a virtual unknown was a difficult sell. Needless to say he was not a fit. After a rough Thursday show he took criticism from the showroom manager going into Friday night. He had 2 shows on Friday with 2 more Saturday and 1 Sunday to come. The first on Friday went better than Thursday but in between shows the manager came with some more criticism on toning down some of the offending although provoking material. Patrice listened, and feeling like he had already compromised, went ahead and showed us all who Patrice was. He was uncompromisable. He did what made him a comedian, he went to work. A small late crowd on Friday seemed to enjoy his pace and point of view early and then about a half hour in to his set he gave his opinion on the war. I can’t recall the exact comment but it struck a chord with an audience member & a back and forth began, shouting and arguing ensued & people began leaving the room. Not everyone, there were still a good amount of audience members enjoying his act. He stayed firm and never fled from his point of view. After he left the stage and the show ended I was called to the office after the show. With the club booker, owner, and showroom manager there, I found myself standing next to Patrice while our club made the decision to fire him with 3 shows still to come. To say it was awkward is an understatement. I was loyal to the club and I felt a loyalty to Patrice at the time for bringing him there. Ironically I was surprised at what was happening. Was it that bad that we had to fire him? I asked myself. He stood taking fire from the “powers that be”, while returning fire himself, as strong as he maintained himself on stage, he never wavered and knew he would never play that club again, but he did it as never compromising himself.

As I went on with my following work week in those days after, & me being in “The Dog House” with my superiors at the club. I reflected on what I learned as a comedian from that. Patrice taught me a lot in that experience, mostly about a comedians’ identity and what makes us who we are. It was a lesson I still take with me. As I walked him to the hotel after that Friday night, apologizing that it didn’t work out, he told me not to worry, he stood over me wearing a Magic Johnson throw back jersey slapped me five and said I’ll see you again sometime. I saw him one more time in NYC some months later, we had a brief chat, laughed at what happened back in Cleveland. We slapped five again and said we’d see each other again… We never did.

As my week with Bill Burr went on in Brea, Bill chose to reflect on Patrice in each show. Telling the audience a short something about how important Patrice was to him. Bill elected not to sell his DVD’s after his shows this weekend passing on possibly making a chunk extra $ for himself, instead pleading to an audience that came to see him, to go and purchase “Elephant in the Room” and to watch the “funniest person” he ever knew. So please, check out “Elephant in the Room” and see what made Patrice O’Neal who he was.

RIP Patrice O’Neal 1969-2011

I was 10 years old on April 3, 1983 spending an annual Easter vacation with my Mom, Dad, brothers & sisters in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. The youngest son of a highly successful High School basketball coach, I sat with my family glued to the television set that day in our condominium that looked out over the Atlantic Ocean. In what seemed to be a world away in Albuquerque, New Mexico, The University of Houston Cougars led by Hakeem Olajuwon & Clyde Drexler represented “Goliath”, with their Phi Slamma Jamma, seemingly unstoppable squad. They took the floor against the “David” like N.C. State Wolfpack and their charismatic coach Jimmy Valvano. We, the Lawhead’s were a basketball family, who had just been getting over the taste of a tough regional tournament loss just weeks before to Akron St. Vincent St. Mary’s. Yes, the same school that produced “King James”. There was no Lebron deciding our fate, but we did fall victim to another Irish legend Jerome Lane on that faithful night in the Canton Fieldhouse. He almost single handily knocked us out of the Sweet 16 while ending another successful 22-3 season for my dad and Lorain Catholic. We had just played underdog and as with most underdog’s the favorite came out ahead. It’s very rare when they don’t. You just hear about the times when they don’t.

We were only a couple hundred miles from the N.C State campus and their ‘Cinderella” run to the title game had a buzz you could hear through the Carolina’s like a swarm of bee’s. But as most excepted, the slipper was to come off that night. I mean, Houston had Olajuwon & Drexler as well as a roster full of highlight making basketball players. They were Phi Slamma Jamma for pete’s sake. N.C. State was a nice story but nice story’s don’t always have a happy ending. Just getting there was an accomplishment in itself. There would be no shame for Wolfpack fans, their players and especially Valvano in hoisting a 2nd place trophy.

I’ll never forget pulling for the underdog, my dad even bought me a Wolfpack painter’s cap at one of the local beach stores in town to wear during the game. At 10, I was more educated about the game than most adults who followed it. So, although I was rooting for the local hero’s, I understood that seeing the impossible, probably would not happen. I was also fine with watching the exciting Cougars rout N.C State while witnessing a flurry of dunks and amazing athletic plays which had got them to the finals in the first place. As the game developed, Valvano appeared to be as vital of a player as the young men on the floor. You could feel his presence, his hold on the game was taking shape and Houston was in for more than a 40 minute fight. They were to be involved in a shining moment that would last in the hearts of many forever. It came to be that the underdog “David” did in fact beat “Goliath” on an improbable rebound basket by Lorenzo Charles, which he received in the air from a desperation heave out of the hands of Derrick Wittenberg. As the buzzer sounded N.C. State and Jim Valvano were National Champions of College Basketball. The Wolfpack fans were happy, college basketball fans were happy, Valvano and his players were happy and the Lawheads were happy. We had just witnessed one of the, if not THE greatest college basketball games in history. That game left an indelible memory etched in my head for the rest of my basketball playing life. That memory was to be enhanced further through the passing of time.

As years passed, I, as many went on living unaffected mostly by the trials and tribulations of our own lives. I, like just about anyone who doesn’t live under a rock, knew what cancer was. However I didn’t KNOW cancer, like some people had unfortunately knew all to well. Then on March 3, 1993, 9 years 11 months to the day after I watched Jimmy Valvano running wildly around a court, celebrating as if he was going to live forever, he stood at a microphone with barley weeks to live. As alive as he was in Albuquerque almost 10 years before, stricken by the cancer that would claim him, telling a world ‘DON’T GIVE UP, DON’T EVER GIVE UP” He was again an underdog, and this time he knew there would be no Lorenzo Charles there to save him at the buzzer but he was still winning, he was championing a victory for so many. He changed fighting cancer, he like that ’83 Wolfpack team he led, showed us how to stand up to “Goliath”.

In 2000, The “underdog coach” I love the most was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. I now KNEW cancer. It was detected early, beaten and that was yet another victory for my Dad and the Lawheads. Then in 2008 the opponent came for a rematch, it was stronger with a more aggressive game plan and attacked his liver. This would be a much tougher game for my father to go through. An extensive surgery paired with a brutal 4 quarters of Chemo Therapy and no guarantees of playing overtime. But with the help of great doctor’s and nurses, loved ones by his side and most of all a will to win, James William Lawhead was able to beat it again. Cancer Free and now an influential speaker to many either battling this disease or KNOWING it from a loved one battling it. My father continues to heed Jimmy V’s message, loving life and helping tell people his story at Relay for Life events and Cancer walks, etc.

As College Basketball begins it’s Coaches VS. Cancer awareness week, I reflect on my father and how grateful I am to still having him “NOT GIVING UP”. JIMMY V was not as lucky as JIMMY L but his words and message live forever. So anyone out there who is dealing with this dreaded disease or just meeting it for the first time, remember… DON’T GIVE UP, DON’T EVER GIVE UP!!!

Support the JIMMY V Foundation if you can and God Bless

Well it has been a while since I have posted any recent thoughts, and or goings on. It’s October 25th and the last few months has had some roller – coaster moments, a mix of high’s & low’s and a continuance of the journey, with experiences that still surprise along the way. As I look back on the past three months, I’m reminded of people I met, shows I’ve done, causes I have helped raise money for; new opportunities I have gotten and ones I haven’t. I’m glad to report, I have learned galvanizing lessons and some painful truths about all those experiences. Needless to say, there are still many questions I have left through some battle scars and casual encounters . What I do realize is that one will never know the answers to all things one thinks they need all the answers to. It’s intriguing to me that all the people that enter your life, instantly become part of your past. No matter if someone stays in your life from the time you meet until your death, or if someone you met only once and will never see again, to the people that come in and out of your life regularly and irregularly. They are all your past. Pictures are the past, snapshots are the present and the camera is the future.

Presently, the roller-coaster past will ride again, I’m sure, so I’ll try to steer it as best I can. A new opportunity with the Blue Collar Comedy Network on Sirius XM Satellite Radio has since arisen with my friend and fellow comic Jimmy Shubert. I co-host a live 1 hour show every Tuesday at 4pm Eastern on channel 97. I’m real proud of the show and am anxiously excited what the picture of it looks like. We have done 7 shows thus far, starting back on Sept. 13 and have had some great guests, that keep what we are doing fresh and exciting. Perfect for the present and anticipatively creative for the future.

From here, there will be more people to meet, some to see again, some to never see again. My approaching future will consist of the best of my past. Family, friends, beginnings, re-births and returns. All of that will blend together on Nov.23rd at 8pm in Cleveland. Fittingly, on Thanksgiving eve I will be doing just that, Giving thanks. As I, for the first time, will Headline the comedy club that gave me my start. Taking a stage that taught me dreams can be made, a future can be forged, from a past which has been molded, if action is taken, in a present that permits. So at Pickwick and Frolic Hilarities is what the camera will focus and capture an image for an impending past.

The past has taught me that now can be the only thing we inherit and the future is everything we hope for. So that’s how I set out to do it. In a world that doesn’t wait for the present, dwell on the past and withholds the future. I can only try to get ready for it and say “CHEESE”!!!

Disgusted by the Government and it’s BS posturing over this Debt Ceiling debate is making it more and more embarrassing to be proud to even be American. I am more ashamed each day as I witness the accelerating collapse of this country. As bad as our Government is, what’s even worse are the amount of people that have been bought hook line and sinker into supporting party beliefs for the mere fact. It’s so criminal what is happening and the amount of treason that is occurring in “The Land of The Free” and “The Home of The Brave” It makes me sick to my stomach to hear that we send over a billion a year to countries like Pakistan and yet we fight over not paying our bills and cutting important domestic programs, bankrupt our federal reserve for votes. It would be laughable if it wasn’t so sad. So, the only way I speak my mind is in Poetry – Here it is

THE DIVIDED STATES OF AMERICA

Thus Greed has become,
The new Wishing Well